Everyone thinks they know what the deal is with chemo, but really until it is being injected or IVed into your blood system, no one truly has any idea about chemo.
Posion. Literally. Poison.
I know this.
As I watch the nurse put on her protective plastic gown.
She knows this.
I decide not to focus on how gross Chemo really is. A tryfector plus one deadly cocktail.
When I am caught up thinking about all the side affects and how chemo will attack my body, good and bad cells, I have a rough time coping.
I choose to spin it. I spin my thought process, instead of negativity, I think that all my cells are getting a second chance to rejuvenate.
I will rebirth.
My skin, my hair, my internal systems will have a second chance to be brand new.
I drink a super healthy pressed green juice and have my own supplement pill cocktail to keep all those brand new cells coposteyhric.
In that respect my perspective has changed immensely. Each day, as I awake, I truly don't know how I will feel. That first moment of realization gets better and easier, I'm no longer afraid of the worse.
I whisper to myself, 'I am going to feel find and be fine.' my body graciously obliges.
The more new cells that regenerate the stronger I become.
As if I am a super hero fighting the merky muck within, ensuring only good combats evil every second of every day.
When I have a treatment, I do not give the chemo one tiny thought. I don't give it the energy to harm me, I pay it no mind. I only believe it will transform my internal chemistry to be exactly as it needs to be to keep everything pushing forward in the right direction.
Being strong is only a mental state I intuitively allow to embrace my being. I do not understand it, nor do I try to explain it.
I am discovering this for the first time as I type these words to form my unspoken thoughts.
Cancer - Chemo - Condition
Conditioning ourselves to become something new, someone different, somebody unexpected.
Definitionless.
BOUNDARYLESS.
PowerLess.
Just be. Yes. Powerless, as I have no control. I have no will. I have no idea......
.....What will be.
And the sooner I accepted this process, the quicker I began to heal.
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