Now, don't feel bad.
No pity please.
Don't ask me what stage.
I am not dying - Not yet anyway.
But, we all do it. We associate cancer with dead.
Cancer kills!!!
Apprenently, motorcycles kill too.
Don't get cancer.
Don't ride a motorcycle.
Cancer chose me, and I chose to live my life differently.
I began by being more deliberate and brave. I had to do something, otherwise I would have sat home, crawled into a dark space and felt bad for myself.
That dark space can he very inviting. It creeps into our thoughts, it finds a comfortable place to spend time and it will stay as long as you allow it too.
That dark space is lonely and it will spiral you deep into the depths of your mind you.did.not know.exist.
I know this dark space and well. I already shared that I stayed there for at least a week, maybe closer to two, as I tried to decide how to move forward.
Making a decision on how to feel about anything in life is a process.
We all know cancer is a dirty word. I would not allow it to messy my life.
I did not know how to make it smaller. I only knew I would find a way to be more me and less cancer. Less.sick.
This sounds ridiculous, I know, because I WAS sick and I couldn't not unthink my sickness. This was knew to me. This was an unchartered road, no signs, no limits, only long and windy and beautiful.
I didn't know this in the beginning, but once I embraced my life, and allowed it to unfold naturally, it captured me, and held me tight and it did not let me go.
I started to tell myself "YES!"
There was more satisfaction.
There was more honesty and truth.
It was more beautiful.
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