Hold on tight and get ready for the ride of your life as we fall down this rabbit hole.
There are so many things that need to happen after being diagnosed with cancer that I took for granted.
Begin by clearing your calendar for all those doctor appointments. I had a list of "ists": Pulmonologist, Oncologist, Radiologist, Neurologist, Primaryolgists.
(Kidding on the brain doctor, I just felt like I needed one to check my brain waves)
Prepare to be poked and prodded. They'll be biopsies and day op surgeries, and port installations. I kid ya not!
So many fun and exciting experiences. I only mean this a little bit. There is one procedure that I promised myself I would write about.
That very popular Bone Marrow biopsy.
For those that have no idea what I'm talking about, consider this a cautionary tale.
I arrived to my day op location, checked in, and I was thrilled that the same nurses were there from when I had my first biopsy a month prior. Yes, I already had a team of nurses who knew me and my story. They were wonderful and I was happy to see familiar faces.
How bad could this be?
The doctor or someone who was about to wheel me away gave me the run down. He was full of personality, which I discovered later, was all part of the process.
He proceed to tell me exactly what was going to happen to put me at ease. They'll wheel you in, you'll be lying on your stomach, they'll give you some medicine in your IV. (the good stuff), you'll feel the local briefly when he administers the needle, and you'll hear some banging during the biopsy process.
"Don't be alarmed."
The banging piece was glossed over as an afterthought, but I was still having thoughts of being on cloud 9. I was not thinking much about anything, especially a comprehensive thought of what he meant about the bang bang.
"Like what does that even mean?"
As I lay on my stomach waiting for the good stuff to kick in my IV, the doctor was prepping my lower back.
I had a feeling it would hurt, but the local they gave me was doing it's job. I was literally feeling no pain, physically or mentally.
I was awake the entire time, I made sure I was as relaxed as possible, and turned my head to the left to see what was going on.
It wasn't the huge needle I even cared about, it was the mallet in a hospital sealed sanitary clear bag that caught my eye.
Holy Shit, pardon moi french, but what in the world would they need a mallet for?
FUNNY DOCTOR DID NOT MENTION A MALLET IN HIS RUN THROUGH.
And in a whirlwind of disbelief, I just realized what and why they would be banging.
And before I truly processsed what was about to happen.
Bang!!! Bang!! Bang!
They used the mallet to slam the needle into my lower back bone. They literally performed, what I would call, the most barbaric act on my body.
Bang!!! Bang!! Bang!
And again. I totally understand how most people would be traumatized by this.
Bang!!! Bang!! Bang!
Thank goodness for happy drugs, I truly am unsure how anyone would lay there otherwise.
Bang!!! Bang!! Bang!
It took until all my meds were 100% wore off, and I woke up at some God awful hour that evening and thought, Holy crap they slammed a needle into my lower back. It was a mallet!! A real mallet.
For three days I was achy. (They didn't warn me about that)
For three days I was bewildered, modern medicine had come a long way, but every now and then we go back to the basics.
"Nurse hand me the Mallet."
Bang!!! Bang!! Bang!
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