the rebirth

Something happens to a person when they face death in the face.

I do not write this to be dramatic, I write this because I changed.  Something inside of me altered my state of reality.

I was like crap!  I'm not living my life to my fullest potential.  What if I was given a death sentence.  What if my diagnosis wasn't treatable??? 

I thought about all the things I put off for another day.  It was not acceptable.  

Seize the day!  

Today was the day. 

Today was the day to make a change. 

I started by buying that coffee maker I had my eye on.  It was in my Amazon account. It grinds beans. It's a press one button coffee maker.  It was something I didn't think I should spend the money on.  In one swift click - 💥 Boom! It was being shipped, my little piece of heaven each morning.  My fresh cup of coffee without the messy grinds.

This was my start for living in the now.  I do love a cup of good coffee and it was most definitely better than Starbucks.  

Once I got my head straight, I started diminishing boundaries.  

I needed to change my perspective with respect to all the stereotypes I had heard about cancer.

I needed to change my mind.  

A) What did I think about cancer?

B) What did I believe?

C) Why did I feel a certain way?

a) cancer was either a death sentence or a life living death sentence.

b) life comes to a halt.

c) cancer has a complete negative connotation.

1-2-3)  this was not me!  I needed to change my mind on what cancer meant to me.

I would live harder.

I would love deeper.

I would be stronger. 

I decided jumping on the back of a motorcycle was scarier than cancer.  This is how I began to change my story.

I lived my fears.

I diminished my fears.

I conquered my fears.

And when someone gave me THEIR fears about cancer, I conquered those too. I refused to fall into the stereotype of what you should and shouldn't do.  

I decided not to throw myself out there to fight the fight.  I threw myself out there to be better for myself.  

I figured out my fight was with myself.  What can I handle?  What am I made of?  How deep does mind over matter resonate?

I jumped into my role and I didn't look back.  I jumped on the ride of my new life and never hesitated.

I would take the uncomfortable and make it comfortable. Truth was, I felt uncomfortable with so many little things. 

I wanted to be comfortable with my existence.  

My TLC was about not listening to anything or anyone, but my own needs and my own wants.  I gave myself permission to take care of my myself and I refused to feel bad about any of it.  

Living with cancer became a set-mind.